Kaleo Christian Counseling Center

Nancy Heche & the Ministry of Recconciliation

by Stephen Trout
How does the church “enter in” to love someone who professes to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or any other variation of sexual orientation? Today I had the privilege of being given the gift of tears as I listened to a talk given by Nancy Heche, mother of actress Anne, as she turned that question into a time of rich personal confession and deep repentance. In so doing, we who were caught up in her story were all led to the foot of the cross, emerging with a new motivation to humbly reach out in love.
Nancy began by confessing her deep sense of betrayal (over a husband who had lied to her and the family and then confessed his own homosexuality - he later died of Aids), her affairs to find comfort and meaning, and her hard-heartedness toward Anne at her confession of falling in love with actress Ellen DeGeneres.
Over time, three different verses from God’s Word pierced her as she spoke of a patient God who graciously broke her heart of pride and replaced it with His own Heart of recconciliation (see II Cor. 5:19), “not counting men’s sin’s against them.”
First, her eyes were opened to see what God is really like. Identifying with “the Prodigal Family” of Luke 15, she read of a compassionate Saviour who left His throne of glory to run to us with arms outstretched (See LK. 15), kissed us, and robed us in His rich robe of righteousness; we (straight, gay, etc.) who all have forsaken our first love. He initiates and establishes relationship with us, though we deserve anything but His favor and affection. It is out of that relationship that He begins the process of change.
Second, God showed her that she needed His heart for the lost and hurting. The Gospel took on new meaning: if He did not count our sins against us, and as the hymn puts it, “And on the cross where Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied,” then she thought, my own wrath must go. Instead, she must work to make the church a “safe place” for gays to come and dialogue, be loved and see the table richly prepared for them. (This doesn’t mean we condone their sin, but it does mean we recognize our own as just as ugly - our pride, our gossip, our self-righteousness. What does “loving our neighbor” really look like? Or I Cor. 13, the famous love chapter?)
And third, she learned to bless her daughter (see Acts 3:26). God’s blessing, she realized, is tied up in turning each of us (beginning with us) from our own wicked ways, or perverted delight in wishing others ill. From there, we begin to pray that God will truly bless others, meaning, to “ask God to interfere to take action in one’s life to bring them into loving relationship with Himself so that they are truly blessed and fully satisfied.” This frees us from trying to do the changing. Now we can love as we have been loved by God, the God who enters in, patiently asks us questions (though he knows the answers anyway!), and showers us with blessings that transcend our imagination.
How amazing that God has used the brokenness of this family to begin a ministry of hope and recconciliation, restoration and renewal. Gospel counseling sorely needs this relational vision, bringing God’s eyes and arms, heart and grace to a broken world.

Counseling the Heart - Entering Another’s World

by Stephen Trout

If the Gospel is changing me to incarnate the love of Christ in my relationships, how will that look? Four words are especially worth noting: Enter, Incarnate, Identify, Accept.
(You might recognize these from Tripp’s “Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands”)
A quick word today on what it might look like to “Enter” another’s world…

Enter: Brokenness, frustration, and sin (obvious or not so obvious) are opportunities to engage more than a problem, but a real person; to listen, look, and ask some questions to get beneath the surface issue to how that person’s heart is struggling, learn what they are really trusting in, and how you can compassionately incarnate (put flesh on) the love of Christ to them. Here’s a good example Tripp uses:
Imagine you had an important appointment that you missed because you were held up in traffic. How would you feel if you told your friend, only to have him respond with a lecture on the fact that you took the wrong way and that he learned years ago that there was a much more efficient route that you could have taken? Would you be frustrated with a response like that? Of course you would! As Tripp notes, “His responses may have had some logical connection to the facts you shared, but they weren’t helpful because they didn’t connect with the impact of the situation on your heart and life.” You’d begin to wonder, “Did he just hear me? Does he even care to try to identify with my frustration or pain? Show concern for my struggle?” Yet God does more than say to us, “well you paid the price for your mistake!”
But what if that friend first assured you that you’re heard (as God always hears His children - He’s a perfect Father), and then proceeded to lead your heart to a big God that understands and identifies with all forms of suffering and pain…what a difference that would begin to make! What a first step that would be toward building your trust in that gracious God who works out everything for your ultimate good! Unfortunately, we are too quick to “counsel the problem,” and not the person. Moralism, legalism, and self-righteouness all tend to lead to that end, instead of to our seeing a glorious and powerful Christ, and strengthening faith in Him!