Kaleo Christian Counseling Center

Nancy Heche & the Ministry of Recconciliation | Apr 19th 2007

by Stephen Trout
How does the church “enter in” to love someone who professes to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or any other variation of sexual orientation? Today I had the privilege of being given the gift of tears as I listened to a talk given by Nancy Heche, mother of actress Anne, as she turned that question into a time of rich personal confession and deep repentance. In so doing, we who were caught up in her story were all led to the foot of the cross, emerging with a new motivation to humbly reach out in love.
Nancy began by confessing her deep sense of betrayal (over a husband who had lied to her and the family and then confessed his own homosexuality - he later died of Aids), her affairs to find comfort and meaning, and her hard-heartedness toward Anne at her confession of falling in love with actress Ellen DeGeneres.
Over time, three different verses from God’s Word pierced her as she spoke of a patient God who graciously broke her heart of pride and replaced it with His own Heart of recconciliation (see II Cor. 5:19), “not counting men’s sin’s against them.”
First, her eyes were opened to see what God is really like. Identifying with “the Prodigal Family” of Luke 15, she read of a compassionate Saviour who left His throne of glory to run to us with arms outstretched (See LK. 15), kissed us, and robed us in His rich robe of righteousness; we (straight, gay, etc.) who all have forsaken our first love. He initiates and establishes relationship with us, though we deserve anything but His favor and affection. It is out of that relationship that He begins the process of change.
Second, God showed her that she needed His heart for the lost and hurting. The Gospel took on new meaning: if He did not count our sins against us, and as the hymn puts it, “And on the cross where Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied,” then she thought, my own wrath must go. Instead, she must work to make the church a “safe place” for gays to come and dialogue, be loved and see the table richly prepared for them. (This doesn’t mean we condone their sin, but it does mean we recognize our own as just as ugly - our pride, our gossip, our self-righteousness. What does “loving our neighbor” really look like? Or I Cor. 13, the famous love chapter?)
And third, she learned to bless her daughter (see Acts 3:26). God’s blessing, she realized, is tied up in turning each of us (beginning with us) from our own wicked ways, or perverted delight in wishing others ill. From there, we begin to pray that God will truly bless others, meaning, to “ask God to interfere to take action in one’s life to bring them into loving relationship with Himself so that they are truly blessed and fully satisfied.” This frees us from trying to do the changing. Now we can love as we have been loved by God, the God who enters in, patiently asks us questions (though he knows the answers anyway!), and showers us with blessings that transcend our imagination.
How amazing that God has used the brokenness of this family to begin a ministry of hope and recconciliation, restoration and renewal. Gospel counseling sorely needs this relational vision, bringing God’s eyes and arms, heart and grace to a broken world.