Murderous Hearts in Counseling | Aug 11th 2007
by Stephen Trout
Grace is most surprising, isn’t it? (For a recent foray on this subject, see The Surprise of Grace in Counseling).
For example, I sometimes like to say to counselees a version of the following: “John, what would you say if I told you I was an adulterer and a murderer?” (Some of you are saying, “Now that is a unique counseling approach!” Actually, a question like this – surprising though it may sound- serves as an excellent gauge of a person’s heart. If they respond with a “deer in the headlights” expression and are dumbfounded, you know they really haven’t begun to understand two things: the depth of their sin, and the wonder of grace.)
Does this talk of sin -even murder and adultery - sound unhealthy? Let me explain. We know as counselors that a deep honesty is vital to the counseling relationship. Essentially, we are searching for answers to what is wrong with people, and in particular, what will help our friend who comes to receive counsel. If the counselee begins to sugarcoat, rationalize, or project his problem onto another, we work to instill responsibility. (We do this of course in the context of committed, loving relationship, for if they are a Christian, they are also a “brother” or “sister” in Christ.)
At this point counselees will sometimes begin to think that their problem is really just that they are not as moral as you (the counselor) are. If only they were more well-adjusted (like you), so the thinking goes, they wouldn’t be in this mess. If only they were in better relationships, they would be better. At this point, we are faced with a dilemma. Is my goal for my friend merely that they become more moral? Clean up their behavior? Or am I after something deeper? Something that will fundamentally change them, from the inside out? Something that will actually cause them to operate from a whole new vantage point and identity? Something that will bring real strength to change?
This is where Gospel-centered counseling shines. The Christian Faith provides radically powerful “internal resources” as David Powlison of CCEF notes. In order not to lead a counselee down the morality-path (which is really a cul-de-sac centered around self), we must first confess what we all, by nature, do not like to hear. We have murdered the Son of God. Though He came to rescue a broken and sinful world, we killed Him, in effort to “establish our own righteousness” (essentially, our own law-code of how to live properly, see Rom. 10:3,4) Our sin placed him on a tree – cursed for us. In addition, we have married ourselves to other gods (even good things in creation, including self and other people), placing them at the center of everything. This is because our hearts, as John Calvin rightly said, are “idol factories,” always producing new idols to worship and crave. And, we are still committing adultery all the time.
Now if this is true, then it is the healthiest thing in the world for me (and my counselee) to admit it. This is not low self-esteem, mental self-flagellation, or archaic religious rhetoric. This is actually part of the good news. For if we are indeed sinners of this variety (which we are, whether we choose to admit it or not), then we are actually the objects -and this is the surprising part- of Jesus’ rescue: “I did not come to call the righteous (or those who think they are, in themselves), but sinners.” On top of this, we are helped greatly to begin to identify the idolatrous cravings that rule our hearts, and so impact everything we do.
This is revolutionary, that we should know real forgiveness, extend it to others, and to explore our new identity as loved children of God. In this, we are truly free! And ironically, because we are so secure in God’s love for us, we are free to admit the worst about ourselves.
Morality is not our goal - not for me or my counselee. Our goal is to find rest in Christ’s love and His righteous robe which covers us, be freed from guilt as a murderer and adulterer, and revel in our new identity. Sound good? That’s why Jesus is called “the Wonderful Counselor.” Has anyone ever loved or counseled like Him?